The World Cup's Ultimate Team of Douchelords

Football would only be half as much fun if all footballers were as boring as Germany's Arne Friedrich. Thankfully, there's no shortage of "characters" in the international game. Below I have tried to come up with the finest collection of wannabes, real villains, and kings of ridiculousness. Obviously, I could have just taken the whole French team, but that would have been to easy. Instead, I was looking for funny faces of self-importance, brutal fouls, and off-the-pitch antics.

Tim Wiese (GK, Germany/Werder Bremen)

http://mediadb.kicker.de/2007/fussball/spieler/l/25381.jpg
Germany's no. 2 (or 3, who knows) is a pretty good goalie. He's also very tanned and overall downright ridiculous. A Guido if there ever was one outside of New Jersey. He once gave an interview with his head sticking out the shower (in his parents' bathroom no less).

Pepe (DF, Portugal/Real Madrid)
There's "losing it." And there's Pepe.

John Terry (DF, England/Chelsea)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/20/article-1194446-0567C078000005DC-674_468x321.jpg
Ladies and Gentleman, John Terry, "Daddy of the Year 2009." The perfect role model lost some of his ketchup-sponsored reputation after his an affair with Wayne Bridge's ex became a global news story earlier this year.

Ashley Cole (DF, England, Chelsea)

http://tyduffy.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/14colejpg.jpeg
Cole felt his life had been interesting enough to warrant a biography when he was 25 years old. However, his life so far has only comprised injuries and (allegations) of extramarital affairs.

Mark van Bommel (MF, Netherlands/Bayern Munich)
He's a real bitch on (and off) the pitch.



Bastian Schweinsteiger (MF, Germany/Bayern Munich)

http://www.n24.de/media/_fotos/4sport/2008_3/juni_9/080625_2/doppler/schweinsteiger_dpa_gr.jpg
Despite all the talk about him having matured from careless teenager "Schweini" (I think he once got  nookie in Bayern's pool) to a "proper" player taking on more responsibility, he's still a major douche.

Kevin Prince Boateng (MF, Ghana/Portsmouth)
Wow, so much to choose from with him. He fouled Ballack out of the World Cup. He fancies him a true "Berlin Ghetto Homeboy." And boy, can he kick high.


Frank Ribéry (MF, France, Bayern Munich)

http://ngerumpi.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/franck-ribery.jpg
He's ugly. He's a diva. And he's also into underage prostitutes (apparently, a true gentleman, though).

Robin van Persie (FW, Netherlands/Arsenal)

http://www.automotive-access.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/robin-van-persie-caricature-on-arsenal-citroen-c4.jpg
Yes, his name was officially cleared from rape allegations in 2006. But he's still the quintessential d-bag par excellence.

Wayne Rooney (FW, England/Manchester United)

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00517/Wayne_Rooney_517489a.jpg
Again, so much stuff to choose from. I'm not sure if he's really (or 100%) human. When he was 18 he made use of the services of a "48-year-old grandmother, known as the Auld Slapper, who wore a rubber cat suit when they had sex."

Cristiano Ronaldo (FW, Portugal, Real Madrid)

http://www.topfatlosstrainer.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/15/cristiano-ronaldo-body-workout-for-serious-sex-appeal/Cristiano-Ronaldo-Pics.jpeg
The captain of the douchelord team. In terms of ridiculousness he stands alone.

COACH: Diego Armando Maradona (Argentina)

http://www.bandin.info/uploaded_images/maradona-en-cuba.jpg
There can only be one coach for this team. Diego has it all: mob connections, best buddy with Fidel Castro, cocaine addiction, shooting at journalists, etc.