A Day Without Football? Here's the Preview for Friday....

For the first time in almost three weeks I didn't have to wake up early in order to watch football. It felt very strange; like an all-encompassing emptiness was greeting me, laughing knowingly in my face, giving me a dire premonition of the football-free time that is soon to come. But I digress. There's still eight games to be played. The quarterfinals are due Friday and here's my outlook for the first two games (just assume that about 90 percent of my prognosis is empirically proven to be utter nonsense, though).

Netherlands v Brazil
It's Germany (2002) vs Germany (1990)! Okay, I guess it's slightly unfair a comparison given that the Dutch actually have several (near) world class players on their team (Robben, Sneijder, van Persie, van der Vaart). I'm not the only one, though, who's noticed the Germanization of Brazil. Also, one Dutch player (Kuyt, I think) has said that the Germans are now playing like the Dutch and vice versa. On the other hand, despite fielding Bayer Leverkusen's great 2003 central defense Brazil still lack a defender of Jürgen Kohler's quality (who, by the way, would make van Persie crap his pants even today).

So, we have two teams who've decided to play very unstereotypically. They are all about winning now. (That's so cynical and boring. Why isn't everybody playing beautiful football like the Germans? -- Gotta be careful here, given the difficult relationship of the internet and irony. Then again, there's nothing wrong with being self-congratulatory if one is, in fact, awesome.) In any case, if they don't win the whole thing, Cruyff and Pelé will publicly tear van Marwijk and Dunga a pair of new ones.

I'm not a romantic, by the way. For example, I don't care what kind of football the Dutch play -- if they decide to win ugly, that's fine with me. Hopefully, it's going to stop their haughtiness along the way. But for Christ's sake, Brazil? Use your friggin' unbelievable talent. Win, if you must. But do so in style. Or do you really want to be compared to a freight train?

Still, Brazil has looked very impressive at times, particularly against Chile (impressive as in "Germany 1990 impressive" not in "Brazil 1982 impressive"). The Dutch, too, have not really disappointed yet (unless one is Dutch, of course) although nobody knows how good they really are given that they've mainly played against crappy mediocre teams so far. I personally happen to think that they can achieve great things if they keep focussed (and van Persie on the bench, perhaps?).

Prediction: It's upset time. Hup Holland Hup! Até Brazil!

Uruguay v Ghana
A true classic. Uruguay's played really well up until now (and they haven't even broken that many legs along the way). Ghana's been decent given that Essien isn't playing. Both teams defend very well, yet scoring goals seems to come much more naturally to the Urus.

Personally, I want Ghana to win (despite their "Little Prince.") First of all, an African team going to the semis for the first time ever would be a nice story. Also, I'm sick and tired of the "South America is so awesome, Europe is so sucky" narrative. Can't remember anybody boasting about Europe's dominance back in 2006.

Prediction (based on plenty of wishful thinking and an utter lack of analytical rigor): It's going to be very close. No goals after 90 minutes. Another extra time victory for Ghana.

Putting Germany v England Into Perspective

Obviously, after yesterday's memorable demolition my pessimistic outlook on the England v Germany game now seems totally wrongheaded. My main argument was that England's experience would ultimately win out over Germany's youthful spirit. Retrospectively, I feel stupid for falling for the narrative of England's putatively "golden generation," a myth nurtured primarily by the self-understanding of the Premiership as the gold standard of international football (when in fact the league's sense of entitlement is equally inflated as its transfer fees and debts). Also, I didn't think it possible that the great Fabio Capello would be outcoached by Jogi Löw.

Yet, I also can't help thinking that England coming back to level the score from two goals down --within one minute nonetheless-- can in fact only be ascribed to Germany's inexperience. The fact that the second goal was wrongfully disallowed doesn't absolve the German players of their responsibility for what could have been a meltdown of epic proportions.

Now, it is of course the easiest strategy to avoid any kind of speculation on how the game would have developed if England had indeed been awarded the equalizer. However, when Klose was sent off against Serbia I made the case that Germany --in all probability-- wouldn't have lost that game with all of their  players on the pitch. And I do have a feeling (what else could it be?) that Germany would have been in deep trouble had the "curse of Wembley" not come to haunt England once again. (Also, can we now stop bringing up that '66 goal every time we play England, please? We're even, once and for all, okay?)

Having said all that, the overwhelmingly accepted narrative (in both the German and English press) is that the disallowed goal didn't matter all that much in the end. England is said to have been completely outclassed by Germany and, therefore, doesn't deserve to hide behind the excuse of the non-goal. (No other country seems to enjoy self-abasement quite as much the English and the mercilessness with which the national team is treated never ceases to amaze me). Strangely, the English press seems to perversely enjoy the unambiguous result just as much their German counterparts precisely because it takes away any significance of the blown call.

(Sepp, can we please get some form of video replay now, please? No, you say? Well, I'm sure you have good reasons as you're a very wise man who honestly cares for the good of the game...)

To some extent the reading of the game (of one team outclassing the other) does indeed make sense. England looked terrible --"overweight," as Steve McManaman put it-- in trying to contain the German attacks (particualrly in the first 30 minutes). Yet, very few people mention how nervous Germany looked in the ten to fifteen minutes before and after the half when England --far from being brilliant-- were the more dominant team. Or, that England has some very decent chances of their own (Defoe, Lampard). The game was ultimately decided by two beautifully executed German counterattacks, which separated England's slightly better period after the half from the last twenty minutes of the game during which England had already accepted its fate and Germany almost seemed to show remorse (or, at least, a lot of restraint).

Now, I'm definitely not trying to take anything away from what has undoubtedly been a great performance by Germany. They were by far the superior team and are deservedly going through to the quarterfinals where I think they could be up for a surprise against favorites Argentina, who didn't look overly impressive against a surprisingly wishy-washy Mexican team. (Before the game, my friend Don and I went to the Mexican supermarket and the Mexican butcher working there complained about the lack of heart in Mexico's team. He had a point.*) But still, the German victory --as enjoyable as it was-- would be better remembered as a close game than a blowout.


*An earlier version included a lame joke on Mexico's former coach S.-G. Eriksson, which was removed due the fact that he was fired over a year ago (and, of course, coached the Ivorian team at this year's World Cup). I'm a real expert.

More German Players Making Complete Tits Out of Themselves...

Sportbild isn't finished yet. Apparently, nearly all German players are lacking decent advisors these days. Somebody needs to protect these clowns from themselves. In any case, given the terribly unstereotypical weather conditions at this World Cup, these unrivaled pieces of art are a welcome reminder that the damn thing is actually taking place in AFRIKA!

So here we have Thomas Müller as some type of African warrior; Toni Kroos (who may have to replace Schweinsteiger against England - but that's a whole different post) as, good God, a python; and Jérôme Boateng (who may also miss the England game due to injury) as, well, a dancer straight out some Shakira video? Furthermore, Tim Wiese is simply enjoying being his usual d-bag self. My personal favorite has to be Miro Klose, though, whose tiger impression looks just as sad and harmless as the once-great striker looked on the pitch all season long. Also, a quick reminder for Cacau: this is probably as close as you'll ever get to touch that thing.

The Demise of “Beautiful” Italy

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present our first guest column by the venerable Sven Kotowski:

Full time Italy-Slovakia: 2-3. Italy were piss poor most of the time and got deservedly kicked out. I've just done some fact checking: The team members had little success in the past season. In the first two matches only two starters in Italy's first XI (de Rossi/Roma; Zambrotta/Milan) were from one of last season's six best teams in Serie A (joined by Gattuso/Milan against Slovakia). Those who played are relatively old – the average ages of the fielded teams were 27.9, 27.4, and 28.6 years, respectively. The core of the team was made up from a group of Juventus players (five in match 1, four in the 2nd – plus Camoranesi coming on in both matches). The four or so Juventus performances I watched last season, as well as their overall results, were nothing short of disastrous – 7th in the league, kicked out in the CL group stages and in the last 16 of the EL. Or not disastrous but rather, maybe worse, mediocre – simply no top-notch side. A Brazil-Argentina final, in contrast, might feature five players from scudetto (and treble) winners Internazionale.

Caught in a downward spiral, the three group matches have seen the Squadra Azzura go from bad to worse, constantly lacking drive and creativity going forward and increasingly losing it defensively. 1st: 1-1 – defensively sound – concede from Paraguay’s only chance (a somewhat ambivalent record for both teams) – yet, don’t create many chances, either, and eventually aren’t dissatisfied with a draw. 2nd: 1-1 – another cheap goal from a set-piece sees Italy early 1-0 down against New Zealand, while Italy don’t create significantly more or better chances than in the Paraguay encounter. Need a debatable penalty to score the equalizer. 3rd: 2-3 – embarrassing! Except for the final 15 minutes and Italy with their backs against the wall, Slovakia are the better of two dire teams – Italy concede the first after the most catastrophic of turnovers and another two after mixtures of counter attacks, comic- and non-defending.

I’ve always rated the “traditionally hidden beauty” of Italian football, its tactical superiority, the decelerated build-up play, the technical skills of all players irrespective of positions (plus “Super Bippo” Inzaghi), great goal keepers, and a seemingly inexhaustible pool of talent. Yet, having a soft spot for calcio is somewhat unfortunate here in Germany. First, because Italian football is still unfairly considered the most cynical and destructive spawn of professional sports; second, more disturbingly, because Italy is the only nation towards which racism (sure, mostly in disguise as various forms of unsubtle humor) appears to be accepted. The lack of creativity in central midfield (Pirlo injured, Totti retired), a center-half/captain/leader who’s been past it for two years, a lack of young talent (though, without Italy’s own, worse problems with racism, Balotelli may well have become Italy’s Özil), and an increasingly impotent strike force are probably among the major factors responsible for the elimination. Personally, I think it’s sad that the “traditional beauty” has ceased to exist, that grassroots problems do not promise quick recovery, and – most depressing – that so many people are happy about it.

Some Pessimistic Remarks on Germany v England

Before we get to the main event, "Sunday's Classic Heavyweight Bout of Two Teams that Feed on Reputation More than Anything Else," here are some thoughts on the other knock-out matches:

Argentina v Mexico
A rematch of a great battle in 2006 (Maxi Rodríguez, anyone?). Argentina have probably looked better than any other team over the course of the three group games (I know, let's wait for Brazil v Portugal). Messi has been spectacular at times, and together with Tevez and Higuaín their strike force is nothing short of terrifying. However, they haven't faced much adversity yet and I'm not sure if they're built for it, either. One big question is if Mascherano and Verón can get the job done (particularly without Cambiasso) when it really counts. Yet, I don't think Mexico have what it takes to really challenge La Albiceleste. While Mexico have looked surprisingly good at times (e.g. against France - but just how meaningful is a victory against them really?) the gap in individual quality between the two times will eventually be impossible to overcome for El Tri (using these nicknames incessantly is sooo much fun!).

U.S.A. v Ghana
Another rematch, which will give the U.S. the chance to avenge their defeat in the 2006 group stage. This one seems like a very open-ended match to me. Both teams are extremely physical and while it won't be pretty on the eyes we can expect very intense football. I think the U.S. will prevail (possibly in extra time?) because Ghana's ultimately too harmless in their attack to take advantage of the American weak spots in the back. The U.S., on the other hand, have proven that they're an extremely gritty team and that they can grind out results.

Uruguay v South Korea
Sound like a real treat, huh? Korea's only in it because of Nigeria's incompetence. Having said that, they sure can fight and run. Uruguay, on the other hand, have been very solid so far and are clear favorites (although I feel they're slightly overhyped). I guess I'm going for the upset here: South Korea to go through after penalties.

It should be pointed out that one of the last four teams (U.S.A., Ghana, Uruguay, and South Korea) will definitely be in the semifinals. That's a major upset right there (thanks to France, and, to a lesser extent, England)! Now, the Germans are certainly the last team that should be allowed to complain about difficult draws (cf. World Cup 2002, EURO 2008, to name just a few) but given their potential path to this year's title (England, Argentina, Spain, Brazil) they will certainly bemoan the fact that Ghana didn't score a last minute equalizer today. I know this is a bold claim of highly questionable moral character but I think that Löw would have made an ingenious move by somehow getting Ghana to score in stoppage time.

Which brings us right to today's game. I thought Germany were incredibly nervous, which manifested itself primarily in a sloppy passing game. Despite his beautiful and immensely important goal, Özil's overall performance was rather poor. Müller, too, was having a bad day. Podolski seems to become more and more selfish. I thought that Schweinsteiger was outstanding in winning the ball back and delivering crucial tackles. They were crucial all the more because Mertesacker, who's supposed to be the anchor of the German defense, is slowly becoming a true liability. His partner, Arne Friedrich, was unusually brilliant, however. Cacau and Jérôme Boateng didn't exactly prove that they're much better than Klose and Badstuber, respectively.

Yet, there's of course a bright side to all this: Germany won despite having many of its players not performing to the best of their abilities. They also proved that they can squeeze out a win when they have to. They controlled most of the game (even though Ghana uncovered Germany's defensive weak spots on numerous occasions). The one thing that's really absent in the German team is experience, though. They don't miss Ballack as a player (Khedira's doing just fine) but as a leader (Schweinsteiger, despite his new brilliance, doesn't have Ballack's presence on the field yet). This may sound cliché but with him I don't see them losing to Serbia or struggling as much against Ghana. And that's also why I don't think that Germany can beat England on Sunday...

In Germany, the football establishment seems strangely content with accepting the role of the favorite against England. This is probably caused more by England's poor performances than by anything else but it's also incredibly myopic. In England, on the other hand, many people seem to coquet with the role of the underdog, or, alternatively, to relish the idea of meeting the "old enemy."

The one thing that doesn't nearly get attention enough is the fact that England's "golden generation," if you wanna call it that, has only this one chance left to win the big prize. In Terry, Cole, Lampard, Gerrard, and Rooney England has five near world class players to Germany's two (Lahm and Schweinsteiger). Overall, England is much more experienced and accustomed to football played at the highest level than their German counterparts. For example, Manuel Neuer is already a much better goalie than David James ever was but he hasn't even gained ten caps yet. This sort of sums up the difference between the two sides: Germany has much more potential but they fall short on the one valuable skill that can only be gained through time: experience.

As much as I would like to see it happen the other way round (or to be proven wrong): I fear that Germany will not reach the quarterfinals for the first time since ca. 1763. (If only Ghana had scored in stoppage time...)

USA! No.1! England? No.2

Certainly no high class football in these two games but plenty of drama. For the longest time, an equalizer by Slovenia against a much improved English team would have sent the U.S. and Slovenia through (it almost happened, too). When England finally managed to secure victory, the U.S. suddenly had to score in stoppage time. And score they did. I will never think of Landon Donovan as a world class footballer but he has shown great heart and determination in the last two matches. More importantly, he scored two crucial goals when friends and foes all missed a boatload of great chances.

It is good thing that the U.S. reached the next round. They had two perfectly good goals disallowed and, I think it is fair to say, deserved it more than either Algeria or Slovenia. Moreover, it's a good thing for the future development of the game in America. The "comeback kids" defying adversity (i.e., foreign refs and rules) are a story that will certainly conquer the public imagination. Donovan and the obnoxious Alexei Lalas have already found parallels between the American team and the nation's putative "character," which will not necessarily gain the "U.S. boys" (as the German press calls them somewhat disparagingly) any further sympathies outside of their own country.

Now that the U.S. have won the group the question is who they, and England, will play in the round of 16. Ghana, Serbia, Germany, and --although highly unlikely-- Australia are all still in the mix. The possibility of a Germany v England classic looms large, of course. And while the U.S. have definitely played the more entertaining and engaging football I can't help but to prefer them as Germany's potential opponent over England.

Fabio's boys finally played some football today, and while they were far away from a stellar performance they should have found enough confidence for the later stages of the tournament (In fact, English commentators are already nearing the typical delusions of grandeur in their assessment of England's chances - it never takes much for them to see England as potential world champions). The reason why I'd rather see Germany play the U.S. is that England's defense is much more solid than the American, and Germany is de facto an attacking team these days with a shaky defense. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. First of all, Germany needs to beat Ghana. And if they beat Ghana they are probably going to win the group (unless Serbia slaughters Australia) and thus will have to play England next.

The usual German confidence makes failure appear as an improbability. And, truth be told, they have the better team. But still, there are some lingering doubts if this young team can withhold the enormous pressure without alpha-male Michael Ballack as their leader. The player responsible for Ballack's absence will of course be part of Ghana's line-up, which could potentially make things a little testy on the pitch (given Germany's already impressive collection of yellow cards they have to be very careful, though). Cacau will probably start as striker for Miro Klose, which is not necessarily a disadvantage these days.

Less than two hours until kick-off. Bring it on. My feet are sweaty already.

The World Cup's Ultimate Team of Douchelords

Football would only be half as much fun if all footballers were as boring as Germany's Arne Friedrich. Thankfully, there's no shortage of "characters" in the international game. Below I have tried to come up with the finest collection of wannabes, real villains, and kings of ridiculousness. Obviously, I could have just taken the whole French team, but that would have been to easy. Instead, I was looking for funny faces of self-importance, brutal fouls, and off-the-pitch antics.

Tim Wiese (GK, Germany/Werder Bremen)

http://mediadb.kicker.de/2007/fussball/spieler/l/25381.jpg
Germany's no. 2 (or 3, who knows) is a pretty good goalie. He's also very tanned and overall downright ridiculous. A Guido if there ever was one outside of New Jersey. He once gave an interview with his head sticking out the shower (in his parents' bathroom no less).

Pepe (DF, Portugal/Real Madrid)
There's "losing it." And there's Pepe.

John Terry (DF, England/Chelsea)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/06/20/article-1194446-0567C078000005DC-674_468x321.jpg
Ladies and Gentleman, John Terry, "Daddy of the Year 2009." The perfect role model lost some of his ketchup-sponsored reputation after his an affair with Wayne Bridge's ex became a global news story earlier this year.

Ashley Cole (DF, England, Chelsea)

http://tyduffy.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/14colejpg.jpeg
Cole felt his life had been interesting enough to warrant a biography when he was 25 years old. However, his life so far has only comprised injuries and (allegations) of extramarital affairs.

Mark van Bommel (MF, Netherlands/Bayern Munich)
He's a real bitch on (and off) the pitch.



Bastian Schweinsteiger (MF, Germany/Bayern Munich)

http://www.n24.de/media/_fotos/4sport/2008_3/juni_9/080625_2/doppler/schweinsteiger_dpa_gr.jpg
Despite all the talk about him having matured from careless teenager "Schweini" (I think he once got  nookie in Bayern's pool) to a "proper" player taking on more responsibility, he's still a major douche.

Kevin Prince Boateng (MF, Ghana/Portsmouth)
Wow, so much to choose from with him. He fouled Ballack out of the World Cup. He fancies him a true "Berlin Ghetto Homeboy." And boy, can he kick high.


Frank Ribéry (MF, France, Bayern Munich)

http://ngerumpi.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/franck-ribery.jpg
He's ugly. He's a diva. And he's also into underage prostitutes (apparently, a true gentleman, though).

Robin van Persie (FW, Netherlands/Arsenal)

http://www.automotive-access.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/robin-van-persie-caricature-on-arsenal-citroen-c4.jpg
Yes, his name was officially cleared from rape allegations in 2006. But he's still the quintessential d-bag par excellence.

Wayne Rooney (FW, England/Manchester United)

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00517/Wayne_Rooney_517489a.jpg
Again, so much stuff to choose from. I'm not sure if he's really (or 100%) human. When he was 18 he made use of the services of a "48-year-old grandmother, known as the Auld Slapper, who wore a rubber cat suit when they had sex."

Cristiano Ronaldo (FW, Portugal, Real Madrid)

http://www.topfatlosstrainer.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/15/cristiano-ronaldo-body-workout-for-serious-sex-appeal/Cristiano-Ronaldo-Pics.jpeg
The captain of the douchelord team. In terms of ridiculousness he stands alone.

COACH: Diego Armando Maradona (Argentina)

http://www.bandin.info/uploaded_images/maradona-en-cuba.jpg
There can only be one coach for this team. Diego has it all: mob connections, best buddy with Fidel Castro, cocaine addiction, shooting at journalists, etc.

Europe's In Trouble (But not Dead)

France can probably not be saved (from herself). A self-destruction of historical proportions is happening right in front of a world public that can barely disguise its schadenfreude. While I do believe that they will convert all their anger and frustration into a hammering of South Africa I also believe that the Uruguay v Mexico game will somehow end in a draw after a hard-fought match in which both teams desperately played for the win.

Sometimes stats really sum it up best: until now, England, Spain, Germany, Italy and France have won only one of their nine games (this would obviously sound less impressive if one was to include the two Dutch wins). In particular, England, France, and Italy also looked absolutely terrible over the course of their first two games.

Yet, this should not lead to the hasty conclusion of some form of European decline (surely some clever neoliberal scribe is already making comparisons to the European debt crisis -- it'd be kinda funny if Greece were to go through then, though). In fact, I have a strong feeling that all the Euro giants of the game (other than France) will make it to the next round. I simply can't see them choking when it really matters against the likes of Ghana, Algeria, or Slovakia (I don't want to pass judgement on Spain until after their second match).

Moreover, once those teams are in the knock-out stages it doesn't really matter anymore how poorly they played in their groups. Now, after Italy's capital stinker against the Kiwis, do I really believe this geriatric and unimaginative team can achieve anything this time around? Absolutely. I know it sounds strange but Italy and even England just need one game to click (see France v Spain in 2006) and we might see completely different teams for the rest of the tournament. Again: the World Cup is first and foremost about peaking at the right time.

Germany v Serbia (and the Man Who Shall Not Be Named)

First of all, while this is a tough one to swallow I think that Germany did in fact play rather well given the circumstances. A lot of pundits are going to call Germany overhyped now, pointing to a weak Australian team. For me, there are actually quite a few positive things to take away from this defeat as the team proved again that they can play very domineering and attacking football. However, the first thirty minutes or so Germany was only the slightly better team against a well-organized Serbian defense. Yet, somehow the game as a whole was shaped mainly by the Spanish referee who was handing out more cards than a porn producer at a beauty pageant.

Blaming the ref is, of course, the cheapest excuse one can think of but in this case he really made the game all about himself, confusing all players with his rigid, yet also inconsistent standards (apparently he sent off eleven players in the 17 matches he officiated in La Liga this season). As to Klose's sending-off: neither card should have been given to begin with. Ironically, the one yellow Klose "deserved"wasn't given after he netted in a shot way after play had been stopped. It's downright impossible not to attribute the whole course of the game to the decisions of the referee, and that's not how the game's supposed to be played. But enough of that now, Germany had enough chances to tie, or even win the game despite the referee.

Right after the ridiculous second yellow for Klose, Serbia exploited a brief German state of shock and scored. Surprisingly, however, this goal led to Germany's strongest phase that lasted from around the 40th minute until 15 minutes into the second half when Podolki missed the penalty kick (what were the odds of Serbia playing handball in the box again?). During this period Serbia were thoroughly outplayed by 10 men. Khedira was unlucky to only hit the crossbar before the break, and Özil, in particular, orchestrated the attack with some beautiful passes (his substitution instead of Podolski remains inexplicable to me unless he was somehow injured).

Yet, missing the penalty seemed to take an emotional toll on the German team as they must have felt that all their efforts were ultimately fruitless. In addition, playing with ten men began to slow down and tire the entire team as well, and Serbia's counterattacks became increasingly dangerous. For the last 20 minutes or so, Serbia was closer to scoring a goal than Germany.

One of the main problems with young players is inconsistency. Müller and particularly Badstuber were clearly not up to the task today. Löw may have to consider keeping the young fullback on the bench against Ghana. Podolski wasted plenty of good chances but he was also very active and shouldn't be singled out for blame. Lahm, for example, had a very poor game, too. By the way, I "knew"Podolski would miss the penalty kick as his shot seemed off the whole day - I even said "oh no, not Poldi" or something to that effect.

Well, in terms of the situation in Group D this is now a gorgeous clusterfuck. If Australia can't deliver a major upset against Ghana tomorrow, Germany wil have to beat Ghana on Wednesday. Clearly, this is not going to be an easy task, but it could be a proper baptism by fire for a potentially great team. If they choke against Ghana they have no business advancing to the next round in the first place. Yet, I am strangely optimistic as I saw more class and determination in 20 minutes played with ten men today than in the demolition of Australia.

Germany v Serbia: Some Very Incoherent Remarks

Just finished watching the NBA Finals Game 7 and it was a real stinker, yet also incredibly intense (kinda like most football games these days, minus the intensity, that is -- Good God, I'm beginning to sound like one of these American soccer haters). Kobe, whose place among the least likable athletes alive is safe and secure, shot 6-24 and still won the Finals MVP trophy. Which reminds me that Messi, who's very likable - if only in the same way that one likes a cute (and talented) pony - will get the FIFA equivalent even if he scores an own goal in the final against Spain, Greece, North Korea, Mexico, or Uruguay (well, some team other than France). In order to get there, however, Argentina will have to beat...uh, Germany (in the quarterfinals if both teams win their group and round of 16 games).

So, just how good are these Germans? Well, for once, their win stood out as much as it did mainly because so many first round games really, really sucked. Tomorrow (that's 6 hours from now, 4:30 in the morning) should give us a better idea of what the team's really made of because Serbia has some decent attacking players and scoring won't be as easy as against Australia. On the other hand, Serbia may, as my brother likes to call it, "go all Yugo on us," and collapse after an early German goal (followed by brutal fouls, red cards, conspiracy theories, death threats against the Pope and Merkel, and finally, resignation).

I can't help but think that a draw wouldn't be a bad result for Germany as the hype around the team has already reached ridiculous proportions and, in any case, teams need to peak at the right time (i.e., not before the semifinals). On the other hand, Löw has said that he wants to avoid a "final" against Ghana and is not going to content himself with a draw. Personally, I have a really, really bad feeling about the Serbia game and wouldn't be surprised if Germany lost (97.76% of my predictions have been wrong so far).

Another funny feeling I have is that the first knock-out round will see some incredible match-ups, for example, Brazil v Spain, and Germany v England. Rooney's already looking forward to it (why are there so few incest jokes about him? Surely, people are afraid of him?). The somewhat thin-skinned English reaction to Beckenbauer's "kick-and-rush" comments is in fact more telling of their own parochialism than anything else: nobody in their right mind takes the Kaiser's verbal diarrhea seriously anymore (the man couldn't analyze a football game if his life depended on it). This is indeed a nice segue to an early assessment of ESPN's World Cup coverage: overall pretty, pretty, pretty good. As to their pundits: Ruud Gullit is a class act, Steve McManaman's surprisingly annoying, and Jürgen Klinsmann in English (he says "awesome" a lot) is just as unbearable as Jürgen Klinsmann in Swabian.

God, I still love watching this game...

Now that Everyone has Played at Least Once...

It's fair to say that the actual football played at this year's World Cup has not yet lived to the (overly?) high expectations of fans all over the world. Is this a reason to worry or a things going to get better? Here are some possible explanations and predictions.

(1) Cowardice.
A lot of teams were very cautious in their initial approach as losing the first game is feared more than anything becuase it, for instance, increases the already intense pressure from the media, and, of course, also makes it very difficult to advance to the next round. Yet, all those teams that didn't win their first games will have to play somewhat more of an attacking style in their remaining games, and therefore there's reason to hope for more entertaining games in the near future.

(2) Mourinho's shadow.
The special one's defensive genius has been blamed for the World Cup's "rubbish" play. Other mangers are said to have copied his cynical system aimed at suffocating superior offensive-minded teams. I'm not sure about any causality here, but we've definitely some mighty fine defending at this World Cup (Uruguay, Ivory Coast, North Korea, Switzerland, to name just a few). But again, at one point teams will have to score in order for them to advance. Defense may win championship, but no offense doesn't win any games.

(3) Other factors.
The ball sucks. It takes off like a rocket and never seems to come down. Also, it bounces like a racquetball. Hence, very few goals from far out so far. (And, yes, Jamie, it's a conspiracy cooked up by the Germans.)
Not sure if the vuvuzelas are to be blamed for anything but they're also not helping. Maybe proper chants do in fact help remind players to attack?
The weather obviously reminds player not of the usual equation "summer time = fun time = World Cup time" but rather of the grim European leagues in late fall and winter that always seem to produce the worst football of the year.
While none of these things are likely to change there's still a good chance that teams will grow accustomed to them, meaning that the quality of play will consequentially have to improve, too. Right?

Verdict: Things can only, and will have to, get better. (Please let me be right...Please. Pretty please.)

Brazil v North Korea or The Clash of Two Collectives Part 2

• If Dunga wasn't in charge (having Brazil play like Greece), the Seleçao would be up by three goals already.
• 51' Dangerous free kick for Brazil: Bastos...just a bit outside...
• N. Korea not looking as sharp as in the first half.
• What a GOAL!!! MAICON!!!!! Incredible angle!!! Roberto Carlos style!!! Drilled it in from close to the byline, running full speed. It took something very special to score against the brave North Koreans. Fluke or not? Hard to say...
• All the excitement's out of the game now. Thanks a lot, Brazil.
• 72' Beautiful GOAL! Great pass by Robinho, cool finish by Elano, who's now substituted for Dani Alves.
• 89' Out of nowhere: GOAL for North Korea! Scored by no. 8. Thanks for that! Is there a major upset possible? No. It's all over.
• Finally an interesting game. Brazil looked in good shape and North Korea were great defensively.
• This group may be even deadlier now.

Brazil v North Korea or The Clash of Two Collectives Part 1

• One North Korean dude is crying like a baby during the national anthem.
• 15 minutes in and North Korea is playing really well. Some nice passing. Lots of gritty tackles.
• Dunga's coat is giving Maradonna's suit a run for its money in the unofficial fashion faux pas competition.
• Second really terrible pass from Kaka. He doesn't look anything like his old AC Milan self today.
• N. Korea's no. 9 is looking sharp.
• 40 minutes in and Brazil is finally putting on some pressure.
• Halftime. Brazil's having to work really hard for this. N. Korea is certainly anything but a pushover so far. Let's see if they can keep it up.

Portugal v Ivory Coast: Random Notes while Watching Half-asleep Part 2

• 51' More diving from Ronaldo.
• Ivory Coast's no 10, Gervinho, has to have one of the most unfortunate haircuts I have ever seen.
• 58' Nice cross from Deco. Harmless header from Liedson, though.
• 59' Good little run from Gervinho. Game's getting better.
• 60' Gervinho missed a big chance there. Poor header.
• 64' Drogba getting ready...and he's on. People in the stadium got a little excited there. Blew their horns really hard.
• 69' Drogba's looking a little rusty there.
• 73' "Nonsense free kick" the commentator says. Couldn't agree more. Why? CR7's BS.
• 80' Decent free kick by Ronaldo.
• 82' Why did Ivory Coast just sub their best player?
• 89' Teams seem to settle for a draw here. Lame.
• 91' Good chance for Drogba! They came pretty close there.
• 92' A lot of pressure from IC now. Too little, too late? Yes. Wow, what a disappointing game.

Portugal v Ivory Coast: Random Notes while Watching Half-asleep Part 1

• Truly terrible rendition of the Portuguese national anthem by their players. Don't blame the pretty boy for this one as he wisely kept his mouth shut. Also, the Portuguese bench is packed with talent.
• Nike's classy kit easily beats Puma's horrendous orange piece of shite. They look like German garbage men. 
• 7' Ronaldo's nice little piece of acting gets Zakora a booking
• 11' A real screamer by the obnoxious one from like 40 yards out. He's also a good football player.
• 20' Ronaldo gets booked for complaining. YES!!!!
• 25' We sure have a trigger-happy ref here. Three yellow cards already. Thought this would be another one for Meirelles, who looks like an American hipster. I don't like him. 
• 39' The game's looking very sloppy now. That is like most of the other matches at this hard-on-the-eyes World Cup so far.
• Well, Portugal sucked pretty much. One good shot isn't gonna cut it. Deco looks terrible. Ivory Coast was decent, well-organized defensively. Drogba, anyone?

Cry Me a Rivers

The U.S. may not be a truly elite team (yet) and they are definitely in need of all the support they can get, but they still deserve better than this.

It pains me to think that the same person responsible for Pinkerton (only one of the ten best albums of the '90s) is somehow also behind this trite garbage. Given Weezer's last four albums or so (a decade of suckitude, really) this shouldn't be all that surprising, of course, but still... Rivers, come on, man...seriously. (And yes, football songs are not subject to the same quality standards as "proper" songs on an album, but this is not even good in the chorus department, which is the most important part of football songs!)

Germany vs Australia

Some things never change: England's goalies since Seaman Shilton have been a laughingstock.

Other things do change: Since around 2000 the once mighty Germans are feared no more. Respected, sure, but so is the Czech Republic. Yes, one still pays lip service to their our (it's the World Cup, goddammit!) efficiency, and the cliché of "never count out the Germans" doesn't seem to go away any time soon either, but at the end of the day Germany is not considered a truly elite team anymore.

Now, is this change in perception justified? Well, the 2000s saw five tournaments of which "the Mannschaft" (a misnomer, of which the English-speaking media never seems to get tired) didn't win a single one. The last title-less decade before the 2000s for the "DFB-Elf" was the 1960s. Yet, they reached two finals without playing particularly well (they were actually quite pathetic in 2002, and pretty decent in 2008), and finished third in 2006 (playing great football). On the other hand, the Euros 2000 and 2004 were utter disasters.

So, the overall record actually still speaks for the Germans, compared to, for instance, England, France, or Holland, who tend to be treated much more favorably by the international media. More importantly, however, there has been a definitive change in the German way of playing the game since much maligned J. Klinsmann took over in 2004. Germany now (under J. Löw) plays much more like other European teams, relying more on speed and passing than ever before. In fact, there's now so many young and skilled players of slight build (Marin, Özil, Kroos, Trochowski, etc.) on the German team that some are afraid, particularly in the absence of Ballack, that Germany might even be at a physical disadvantage. Now that's what I call real change!

While the 2008 team was considered a tournament favorite (de facto playing at home), the current squad is by many pundits seen as weaker than, for example, the Serbian team. This is, of course, a great example of the difference between external and self-perception. The German media actually celebrated the team's "lucky" draw while many non-German journalists consider the German group to be the second toughest overall. Also, many German players and, of course, Franz Beckenbauer declare that the team will at least (have to) reach the quarter- or semi-finals while many outside observers see them lose to England in the first knock-out match.

Finally, a real difference between the current team and the German squads of the past is the factor of multiculturalism. The 2010 squad includes eleven out of 23 players with a “migration background” whereas only three such players were part of the 2002 squad, and none in 1998. In the run-up to the 2010 World Cup, the DFB also used the themes of diversity and integration in advertisement campaigns (funny in its lameness, see below). However, this is still a momentous change for one of the country's foremost national symbols.

As to Australia: Germany has the better team, no question, and needs to approach the match with the necessary cockiness. Anything but a clear victory would be a big disappointment.

England (or as somebody on NPR apparently put it: Britain) vs U.S.A.

Yes, this is definitely the most anticipated match of the group stage. Yes, it would hurt the English fans and press immensely were they to lose against the Yanks. Yes, there is also genuine optimism among the U.S. team that they can get a good a result (= draw 3points "w") out of this.

England seems forever caught in-between (a) the deeply-held belief that it is --by birthright and capabilities-- the one country that should rule international football, and (b) some form of artificial self-deprecation and self-loathing. The latter seems to be merely a mechanism of self-protection, however. While England fans never say that they think their team can win it, they do in fact firmly believe precisely that. This belief then gets stoked up by the first decent result and the country rapidly approaches hyperventilation. Of course, they then inexplicably lose on penalties and everybody pretends to have seen it coming all along (decrying fate or foreign cheats) instead of blaming the overhyped and overpaid dimwits from the self-proclaimed best league in the world.

Having said that, England does indeed field a fine selection of experienced world-class players (Rooney, Terry, Lampard, Gerrard, A. Cole) who have played on this stage before and are firmly aware of the fact that for the most of them this year is the last chance to win the biggest prize there is. Furthermore, they have one of the greatest managers in the history of European football. In other words: England should be confident for a reason and not belittle their chances.

The U.S., on the other hand, are much more straightforward in their approach. Apart from clinging on to the idea that Donovan is a world-class player, they know exactly who they are: an athletic and hardworking team with good goalkeepers and poor pedigree. They should have beaten Germany in 2002 and maybe this victory against one of the big guns would have changed things, but the current team is still on the same level as, say, Slovenia, which is not a bad thing as Slovenia, too, has a decent team.
Yet, this healthy self-assessment is profoundly at odds with the more general American self-understanding as the greatest nation on earth. As mentioned before, however, there's also a belief within the American team that they can upset England. I think that's due to the many U.S. players competing in the Premiership who know that their English peers are not invincible or, excuse the pun, "out of their league."

I don't want to say anything negative about Stevie G because I dislike him so much and I fear to reverse-jinx him into playing a great World Cup. Cappello, of course, demands the greatest respect, and I believe that it will be his leadership that gives England not only the edge over the U.S., but also a great chance to reach the semi-finals.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
World Cup 2010: Into Africa - Two Teams, One Cup
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Vicarious Embarrassment, Fremdschämen, Verguenza Ajena

Oh dear, Mesut Özil is a Lion-Zebra, Sami Khedira is a Lizard, and Poldi gets scratched by a lion cub.

Yes, this World Cup is in AFRICA! (Sepp Blatter just said it, too.)

Thank you, Sportbild (and Sven, for finding this gem), you never disappoint:

The German Coach or the Smartest Kids Sit in the Back

http://www.bild.de/BILD/sport/fussball-wm-2010-suedafrika/2010/06/11/nationalelf-intim/im/html-wm-bus.html

+++BREAKING NEWS+++BREAKING NEWS+++BREAKING NEWS+++

The DFB (German FA) just informed the public (via twitter) about the Nationalmannschaft's travel outfit for Saturday: "Strenesse casual," i.e. beige pants, white polo, blue blazer.

That sounds sooo awesome! Can't wait to see our boys in their new swish attire. This should go really well with the trendy footy player sunglasses that cover everything from hairline to chin dimple.

http://www.bild.de/BILD/sport/fotos/FOTO-GALERIEN-R/fussball/spielerfrauen-gesamt/spielerfrauen-der-champions-league-2009-2010/spielerfrauen-cl-2008-2009/spielerfrauen-achtelfinale-08/schweini-sarah-sonnenbrillen-8914180-quer,templateId=renderFotoGalerieElement,fgId=12108518,BUAnzeige=true,DZAnzeige=true,offset=25,size=47.html

Preview Day 1

South Africa v Mexico / Uruguay v France

Well, definitely not the most exciting of games in this pretty evenly balanced group but it'll be very interesting to see how Les Bleus react after their embarrassing loss to China. France still has deep talent even though they lack the quality of the great '98 and 2000 teams. If - and due to Domenech that's a big if - they somehow click as a team they're still good enough to win it all (bold claim, I guess). I'm not even going to pretend to know much about Uruguay other than that Forlan is a pretty good player outside of England. (Some count them among the dark horses, though.) If they can live up to their thuggish reputation they may piss of France just enough to squeeze out a draw.

South Africa's under a lot of pressure as they could easily fail to make it to the next round. Mexico usually gets there (and not much further). For some reason, people seem to think that all the African teams (other than Algeria) have home advantage and will therefore do pretty well. Questionable Pan-Africanism aside, my guts still tell me to go with the Bafana Bafana (which apparently, and somewhat disappointingly, simply means 'The Boys').

The French in '98 were truly one of the great World Cup teams of all time in that they had so many world class players and very few weaknesses. Many thought that this team somehow represented the new national identity of a postcolonial and multicultural France but these symbolic politics now seem rather naive and outdated. In this regard, Laurent Dubois has written a wonderful book about the relationship between French soccer and empire.

World Cup 2010 - Weltmeisterschaft 2010

Having observed the utter lack of people covering the World Cup in South Africa I have decided to fill the gap and spend even more time on following football than I usually would.

I've included "Politics" in the blog's name mainly to fill less guilty about starting one when I should probably do not much else but finish my dissertation. Also, I may actually write about politics once in a while, even though the political stuff going on right now is clearly of lesser significance when compared to the tournament. One thing I'm definitely not going to do is to write about the politics of football as they're boring as hell.

As a taste of things to come, here's my first memory of football in general:

I was seven years old and I remember some commercials on TV before the '86 World Cup in Mexico, however, I can't recall seeing any of the games before Germany's quarterfinal match against hosts Mexico. Everybody seems to agree that it was a terribly dull affair, yet, the Germans - as always - won on penalties and I would then watch their next two games as well. Later that summer, my dad told me that there were also teams other than "Germany" playing football and I started watching the Bundesliga, becoming a Frankfurt supporter soon thereafter.